A Magnetic Attraction: I Can't Stop Snuggly-Wugglying You!

*Please note that this is a story mocking ridiculous, sappy, lovey-dovey smooshy-wooshy couples*

*In no way is this advice. If you consider it so, then please seek medical attention immediately.*

*You are probably a serial killer or something.*

         Valeria and her boyfriend, Fabio, lay on their heart-shaped bed in each others' arms. Rose petals were scattered on the floor. The ceiling was actually a painting of the couple delicately embracing, while wearing angel wings and loincloths. The walls were embedded with Woohooium, which had wonderful luminous qualities when they turned the lights out and watched The Notebook or Dear John on the 78-inch plasma-screen television, mounted to the wall across the bed. Their pink door proclaimed "Snuggly Wugglying Room for Babycakes and Buttonface," in a curly, girlish script. This was slightly inaccurate, as Valeria and Fabio had many, many, many adorable and vomit-inducing pet names for each other, but there were too many to fit on the door, and several of them were long forgotten, so they settled simply and sappily on Babycakes and Buttonface.

         It took them both months to pool their savings to buy this room, but in the end the two were deliriously and disgustingly overjoyed with it.They spent as much time as they could in that room, doing their "snuggly-wuggly," as it was dubbed. They snuggly-wugglied in their sleep, watching movies, with the lights off, with the lights on, while watching grass grow, cutting hair, tying bows, playing Truth or Dare... you name it, they snuggly-wugglied while they did it.

        However, one of Valeria and Fabio's problems was that they never knew when to stop snuggly-wugglying. They were stuck like magnets. They never knew when enough was enough, because whenever one was not shnoodling up to the other, they were both in a random and ineffable state of nervousness. Perhaps they were afraid that the other might be snuggly-wugglying with another person while they were gone. Perhaps they were lonely. Nobody ever knew, because they were never away from their special heart-shaped bed long enough to ask them.

         This was the current issue Valeria and Fabio were having. It was half-past seven, and none of them had gotten up yet that day to eat from their obsessive cuddling, so they were both rather starved. However, neither one wanted Valeria to leave so she could make her world-famous Chicken Wing on a Stick.

         "Oh, Honeydove, I am so hungry!" Valeria complained, her stomach growling.

         "I am too, Lovemuffin," Fabio replied, "I understand your pain. But you cannot get up yet, Snookumface! We still can snuggly-wuggly for a while longer."

         "Oh yes, Dollyfingers," Valeria answered thoughtfully, "I suppose we could."

         Seconds more of the ridiculous cuddling continued until Fabio's stomach grumbled.

         "I ought to make you some Chicken Wing on a Stick, Fabikinnies," Valeria announced, making as though to get up.

          "Oh, no, Candypie! I'm fine," Fabio rushedly said, embarrassed by his stomach growling.

          "I don't know, Jellyface..."

         "Really, Pumpkinsnake, it's fine."

         "Are you sure, Pootchytums? It will only take a second--"

         "NO, KOOTCHYKINS! I DON'T WANT YOU TO MAKE DINNER SIMPLY FOR MY SAKE!" Fabio cried, humiliated that Valeria would not let the matter go.

          "Please, Fabby-wabby-linnie--"

           "VALERWALERIE! I SAID NO AND I MEAN NO! CAN YOU NOT SEE THIS IS UPSETTING ME?!" Roared her boyfriend, who buried his face into the satiny pink pillowcase.

           Valeria found tears in her eyes. She had not known how her insistence was affecting him. Fabio was a very sensitive man, and Valeria was ashamed that she had not respected his original wishes. She patted his soft hair as he cried his emotions out into the bedsheets.

            "There, there, Sparkleface. It's okay. Shh, it's okay."

            Fabio continued to cry until at last he lifted his tear-stained face, his light layer of pink eyeliner smudging his cheeks.

            "Thank you, Fudgiecake. I...I'm sorry you had to see that."

            "It's fine, Buttonface. I will go make Chicken Wing on a Stick and we can snuggly-wuggly afterwards, okay?"

            Fabio nodded, his red and blotchy face turning back to its normal, tanned color. He should have known that whenever Valeria was around, things could be solved, and there would always be time for them to snuggly-wuggly.